Wanna buy some wine now, don’t ya?
Right, the breakdown. All that goodness, line by line....
“Hi there,”
Friendly and conversational from the outset, even without including the reader’s name.
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“We’re in a fix.”
Opening any sales email with “We’re” is a bit of a gamble, because you always run the risk of the reader thinking “this has nothing to do with me… goodbye.”
But you can get around that by tapping into human curiosity.
Companies aren’t normally honest enough to tell you something’s wrong. So I immediately thought “ooooh, what fix are they in, I must read on?”
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“We need ads on social media to spread the word about Laylo. But it’s getting ridiculously expensive.”
Starting paragraph two of a sales email with a second “we” is either the sign of madness, or a touch of genius.
I’m going with the latter. They’re expanding on the “fix” they introduced in the first sentence, and they’re breaking the fourth wall of marketing, a bit like Oatly and Oasis do, by talking about spiralling advertising costs.
They’re still running the risk of me thinking “I don’t fucking care about your ad costs”, but they’ve softened it by saying “to spread the word about Laylo” – so I’m a little more forgiving than if they’d said “to sell more wine”.
“Ridiculously” is a lovely word to use too. You rarely see that in sales copy. I’d bet that AI writing tools steer well clear of it too. It’s packed with emotion. It’s the kinda thing a real human would say to another real human about prices that are getting really out of hand.
Dropping in irregular adjectives like this every now and again is a little reminder that there’s a person behind the email.
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“Every time we recruit a new customer, £15 goes straight to Mark Zuckerberg.”
This is the reeeeeeally smart bit. They’re calling out an enemy. Not just any old enemy. A common enemy.
This is the bit where the reader goes “Fifteen quid? Oh Zuckerberg, you robbing bastard”
Having a cheeky dig at infamous brands or people is a great way to get the readers on your side, as long as you’re confident that most readers are gonna share your view.
So don’t suddenly start calling David Attenborough a prick or anything.
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“He’s the founder of Facebook. And was a billionaire by the time he was 23.”
This is the only line I’d have changed.
I know who Mark Zuckerberg is, and I’m betting you do too. So it feels a bit patronising to the masses, when only a tiny percentage of readers might need the explanation.
You can please both parties with something like: “Facebook’s founder was a billionaire by the time he was 23.”
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“We’d rather give that money to you.”
Kaboom. If you’ve got an offer, this is how you smash people in the face with it.
It’s not a sale. Not a discount. Not a deal. Not money off. It’s not even wine. Nope, we’re giving you MONEY.
Have a think about how you word your offers – can you make them sound less like what people get from every other brand?
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“A while back you signed up to receive our emails. You’ve followed our story… but not yet picked up a box of wine.”
Straight after the offer, a little reminder that this isn’t a cold email. And a mini guilt-trip that the reader hasn’t bought anything yet. Not too sexy this one, but very functional.
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“So we’re offering you £15 off to give our wines a try – enter code ZUCK at checkout before 6pm tomorrow.”
If people don’t click the offer two lines above. Hit them again with it – but with a bit more detail.
ZUCK as the offer code is a nice touch – have a bit of fun with offer codes if you can.
And the time limited offer makes people get a move on. I’m the type to think “well If I don’t do it now, I’ll have forgotten by 6pm tomorrow.
Sidenote: Laura Riches the co-founder of Laylo told me that she was gutted she’d made a little typo in the link, by saying “£15 off to give our wines a try” which should’ve said “£15 to give our wines a try” but I didn’t notice it. Typos are human, don’t beat yourself up Laura. I fuck up every week in this email. Am I arsed? Nah. As long as it’s not totally misleading, or you make a habit of it, all good for a small business
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“By cutting out the social media overlords, everybody wins. We can focus our time, energy (and money!) on finding you the best small-batch wines from around Europe.”
Best line of the email.
“Social media overlords” made me smile, and the second sentence makes everything I’ve read so far make sense.
If you’re gonna make an enemy in your marketing messages, try to summarise the reason for it in a snappy way like this.
It keeps things light-hearted and less ranty.
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“And you get to try top-quality wine at supermarket prices.”
The icing on the cake.
Always finish with a flourish like this – make people smile, give them another benefit, let them go away happy.
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“Cheers,”
Never end your email with a phrase you wouldn’t say face to face.
Kind regards? Many thanks? Yours sincerely? Nope. This is a wine company. Cheers!
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<2 signatures>
One signature – must be the marketing manager.
Two signatures – it can only be the founders. More personal. More trustworthy. More persuasive. More nice (or nicer).
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“Ps. Remember we offer a 100% money back guarantee on our wines. If you don’t love it, you don’t pay for it.”
If you’ve got a money back guarantee, the PS is where it should be. You’re basically saying “ffs just try it once, you’ve got nothing to lose”
The PS is hot property. Like a second headline. Ignore it at your peril.
I have two at the end of every email 😊
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Oh btw, guess what the email subject line was?...
"Zuck this"
Who in the world isn't gonna open that?
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