What have the CIA, Tesco Mobile, Hotels.com, Oatly, the Scouts and Who Gives a Crap got in common? No, they're not all companies that've sacked me for stealing non-communal mayonnaise from their communal fridge (killjoys). The answer is that they've each got a wonderful and unique tone of voice. And they've all been dissected by Voicebox maestro Nick Parker, in his monthly newsletter Tone Knob. SUBSCRIBE NOW PLEASE. You'll love it.

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Hiya Alan,

I still remember the moment as a kid when one of my mate's dads (who was a bobby-on-the-beat) told me how police officers are only allowed to use pepper spray on people if they themselves had been pepper sprayed in the face during police training.

"What's it like, Jim?", I asked.

"There's nothing like it Dave," he said. "The worst pain I've ever felt. You can't breathe. The more you try to breathe, the harder it is. Your eyes are watering and your eyelids swell up and go all puffy, so it's hard to see. Your eyeballs sting like you've been swilled with boiling water. And you can still feel it hours later."

I still don't know whether he was having me on.

But even though it sounds absolutely horrible, it kinda makes sense doesn't it? Knowing the effects of something you'll be using on other people. You can understand how powerful it is, gauge its limitations, and make a better judgement call on how and when to use it.

***TENUOUS LINK INCOMING***

Before me and Ben McKinney started using the tone of voice toolkit Voicebox with our Copy Or Die clients, we wanted to experience its full effects first-hand. So we used it to find our new agency's voice and bring it to life.

We Voiceboxed it (oh yes, it's its own verb to us now). And documented the process.

This thing is part-game, part-toolkit, part-total-fucking-phenomenon. And everything you need is included.

Here's Ben, with most of the bits laid out on the table.

You start with the black tarot cards. 99 of them in total, all flat on their backs. Each with a different adjective on, like FLAMBOYANT or SCIENTIFIC or EDGY or QUIET.

You go through them one-by-one, whittling them down until you're left with a bunch that feel true to your brand. The more people in your team, the more disagreements you might have about which personality attributes feel right.

Even with just the two of us. me and Ben hit a few stumbling blocks...

"SERIOUS? Nope. KITSCH? Nope. SILLY? Well yeah, sometimes. But not for the sake of it. We've already got MISCHIEVOUS on the list tho so that kinda means the same thing, doesn't it? Okay Ben, no need to be like that... what are you pulling that face for? Are you in a mood? If this is how you're gonna be in a simple tone of voice session, we've got no chance as agency partners, have we? Ben. Ben, what are you doing? Ben put that chair down. BEN, NO BEN NOOOOOO. SECURITY, I NEED SECURITY IN THE MEETING ROOM NOW PLEASE, BEN'S COMPLETELY LOST IT. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH."

... y'know, the usual stuff.

Here's what we settled on:

You then zoom in even further, getting rid of as many cards as you can until you're left with a solid handful.  Our final five were:

MISCHIEVOUS
CHALLENGING
FRESH
FRANK
FEARLESS

And then you flip them over...

On the back of each tarot card it tells you which of the 11 Primary Voices your new brand voice falls under.

The primary voices are the heart of Voicebox. They're the fundamental tones, or styles of writing that all brands can be classified as.

There are straight-talkers like Ronseal (Does what it says on the tin) who cut the fluff completely. There are Playful childs (children?) like Innocent Smoothies who are full of whimsy and absurdity. There are Storytellers like Jack Daniels who rarely do an ad without mentioning their roots in Lynchburg Tennessee. And 8 more.

Our tarot cards pointed us firmly towards PURPOSEFUL and FIRESTARTER...

Confident? Sounds like us.

Focus? We definitely won't be waffling.

Talking about hard problems? Well, we're all about copy being a matter of life or business death, so yep, this one works too.

Now onto Firestarter...

Initially, this one didn't sit easy with us. We never envisaged ourself as brash, or in your face. Certainly not a Brewdog, brazenly picking fights.

But that's the beauty of Voicebox. You don't have to be all-in purposeful, or all-in firestarter. You can dial each part of these tones up and down. Maybe for different audiences, or in different media.

And the rest of the Voicebox toolkit shows you how.

You get dozens of real life examples from the world's most distinctive brands. Plus tons of creative exercises to bring your primary voice to life in a way that's unique to your brand.

Oh, and as time's gone on, we've realised that we are definitely a Firestarter, in copywriting terms anyway. Trust the process. Voicebox cannot be tricked.

We also had another glance at the tarot cards.

These are the two that feel most like us...

FRANK and FEARLESS.

And it just so happens that we had a mischievous little fella in our logo that needed a name.

Here he is.

The name's Frank.

Fearless Frank.

Love a bit of serendipity.

Last few weeks on the socials

Just in case you missed it...

• When the alluring Angela called me the most handsome man she had ever met, I wanted to do a little geography quiz to make sure she wasn't just pulling my leg. But cracks began to show even before I asked her the first question
• Want to write a really, really, really contentious Linkedin post but worried that it could potentially end your career? Do not stress...
  
• My Easter message - more of a moan, really
  

Like them? Pay me, in Likes 💗 and Comments 💬 and Shares 🔃.

Hate them? I'll set Ben McKinney onto you. That lad's deadly with an office chair.

Waving furiously with intermittent pauses while I catch my breath 👋🛑

See you again in a couple of weeks.

Mmmmmwah X

Dave

P.S. Think anyone you know might like my emails? Tell them to sign up here.

P.P.S. I've still got a few slots open this month for 63 minutes of wordy stuff or business stuff or whatever™, just in case you needed some help with creative ideas, launching a new product or coming up with a limerick to blow your arch-nemesis Ritchie out of the water...

There is a weird fella called Ritchie,
Whose comments are needlessly bitchy,
He loves to offend,
But has zero real friends,
Perhaps cos his winky’s so titchy.